One out of ten women struggle with infertility. I am one of them. With Mother’s Day rapidly approaching, I have to admit that I’ve been a little nervous. Mainly I’m just afraid I’m going to break down and cry in church or over the pasta salad at our family gathering. I hate being vulnerable in front of others, and Mother’s Day feels like a landmine of emotional triggers. So why am I writing this article? Let’s say it’s an act of obedience, and I hope it blesses someone.
Anyway, as I’ve been seeking God through this journey, He has repeatedly led me to one of my all-time favorite chapters Psalm 139. Reading this chapter during this season of my life has brought such a wave of comfort to my soul! Oh, how refreshing it is to know that the God of the universe knows and loves me! I have written my own prayer based on this chapter, and I pray if you too are a child of God dealing with infertility, it will be an encouragement to you. I pray that you can walk into church with your head held high, knowing you are loved by El Roi (the God who sees you).
Oh Lord, I know that you have searched me, and you know me. You know my every thought and fear. You know the deepest desires of my heart and the things I’m too afraid to even hope for. You understand this longing I have for children. In this pain, how precious it is to me … to know that I am completely known and loved by you. In fact, you know the number of hairs on my head. You see the silent tears. You hear me when I cry out to you, and you love me with an everlasting love!
Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? You are always with me, and because of this, I am never alone. Though it is tempting to feel isolated by pain, help me not forget that you are with me! And that there are other believers around me who though they may not share my exact struggles have struggles of their own and yet desire to honor you.
Remind me of this truth: the greatest joy in life is not in having a child but in being one. Becoming your child has been the greatest delight my soul could ever imagine, Lord! Thank you for all the sweet blessings that come from being a part of your family. Oh, how gracious and kind you are to me! All my life you have been faithful. Thank you for giving me your spirit, your Holy Spirit to lead me through troubled times and to comfort me in my distress. What do others do without your Holy Spirit to comfort them? I honestly can’t even imagine.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Yes, before I was even born you my days were ordained even this one. So help me to not waste the precious gift of life you have given me today.
How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. I truly do desire to think as you think. Please give me a mind of Christ and conform my way of thinking to His.
Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. It’s so easy to let my thoughts run away and to fall into a pattern of not trusting you. Forgive me, Lord, and help me to fully turn over to you every desire of my heart. Please use this journey, to refine me. Show me if there is any hidden sin in my life. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Amen.