I am a strange man. My wife enjoys reminding me of that on a near-daily basis. So I thought nothing of it a few years ago when my friends said my Valentine’s Day gift for my wife was absolutely nuts. It was not chocolate, a teddy bear the size of a small airport, or a diamond—all of which would have been perfectly acceptable. Instead, it was the most romantic gift I could think of, even if they thought it was the most unromantic gesture in the history of Valentine’s Day.
I bought my wife and myself tickets to a Family Life Weekend to Remember marriage conference. Before you, too, think I am strange, let me explain my reasons for giving this to her.
Attending a marriage seminar does not mean your marriage is weak.
It is a common belief that only couples in troubled marriages need to attend marriage conferences. That is like saying only really weak people need to go to a gym. I have been in many gyms and feel very confident in saying there are numerous individuals who are in the gym every single day who cannot be described as physically weak. They go because they want to maintain and grow their strength.
Taking my wife to a marriage conference was the most romantic thing I could think of because it showed her that I believed our marriage was strong, and I wanted to keep it that way. While participating in the conference, we were presented with topics of discussion we never considered before. We even heard how to deal with issues that we will not experience for some years to come.
Not only did going to the conference make our strong marriage stronger, it gave us insight to keep it strong in the future.
I want to be a better husband.
I think this is one the most romantic reasons for this most romantic gift. I can give my wife flowers and chocolate and rent a romcom for us to watch on Valentine’s Day. But if I am a terrible husband the other 364 days of the year, she is going to be miserable in our marriage.
But I also realize that I cannot learn to be a good husband on my own. I need help. That is both frustrating (because I have to humbly admit I cannot learn it all on my own) and encouraging (because there are so many great resources to help me learn).
I cannot speak for the seminars offered for wives during the conference. But the parts I attended for husbands were theological and practical. In my opinion, that is what makes a good marriage seminar. It must marry (pun intended) the theology of marriage with practical application. I know the Weekend to Remember is not the only marriage conference to do this. AFA offers a great one as well.
We can cut through the bogus marriage books to find really good ones.
One of the best aspects of the conference happened in between sessions. Just outside the main stage room, Family Life set up a bookstore. There were too many great books about being a better husband or wife for us to go through. Rather than taking the time to peruse each and every book, my wife and I asked Family Life employees for their recommendations.
To my great appreciation, they handed us a copy of Visionary Marriage. My wife and I bought it, then read it together over the next few weeks. It is now my go-to recommendation for married and engaged couples. Seriously, it is that good. If you have never read a marriage book before, pick this book up and read through it. Then buy 10 more copies to give to other couples.
Another great resource was the workbook we went through during the conference. I still have it, and it sits on the bookshelf in front of my desk at work. Every time I look up from my computer screen that book is there, staring at me. It is placed there on purpose because I routinely pull it out and go back over the lessons I learned at the conference about being a God-honoring husband. It helped me then, and it continues to help me now.
There is a serious problem in our marriage.
We live in a culture that loves masks. Everyone in church, everyone in the office, everyone in the family, is supposed to look and act happy, regardless of how they actually feel or what they are really going through. This has led to countless marriages suffering while husbands and wives are sitting in pews with big smiles on their faces.
Every marriage has issues. Every relationship has conflict. We are a fallen people living in a fallen world. When two sinful creatures are placed in close proximity for 30 years, how could there not be issues?
I will let you in on a little secret: I am a sinner. That means I make mistakes. That means I make my wife angry. At times, the way I respond to my wife’s mistakes no way resembles the grace I have been offered by Christ. But I am called to love my wife as Christ loved the church. If I am completely honest with you, I am not great at this. I fail on a daily basis in this way, and in countless others.
And that is why I wanted, and desire again, to attend a marriage conference. It is not an admission of a marriage in trouble. It is a humble admission of a man who knows he is not perfect, who knows he is not the husband he has been called to be, but one who wants to be.
Buying tickets to a marriage conference does not make for a great Valentine’s Day commercial. But it certainly helps make a great and romantic marriage.
