August 22, 2016, my husband and I will celebrate our 40th wedding anniversary. We have celebrated 41 Valentine’s Days together, and I have received a wide variety of gifts from my romantic husband. Even during the days when we did not have two nickels to rub together, he managed to give me something from his heart. I still have the beautiful silk rose from a local gas station that he once gave me.
For years, Valentine’s Day was just another day to me. I admit I am not the “romantic” half of our partnership so I would often find myself troubled that the day did not hold more significance for me. Then I read Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. Chapman’s bookenlightened me as to why I felt the way I did about Valentine’s Day.
Being in the ministry, my husband got a copy of The 5 Love Languages with the intent of using it in counseling. After he read it, he gave it to me. We discussed what we thought our own love languages were and began learning how to love in ways the other could receive and appreciate.
There are five different love languages: physical touch (intimacy), gifts, words of affirmation, quality time, and acts of service (devotion). My love language happens to be acts of service. Gifts are really nice (especially jewelry) but if you serve me in some way, I feel truly loved. One of my favorite birthday gifts my husband used to give me each year was helping me clean winter debris out of the flowerbeds. That act will forever remind me how much I am loved by him.
A common mistake people make when expressing love is doing so in the way they prefer to receive love. These expressions, though thoughtful and heartfelt, may not give the recipient the full experience of love intended. I would encourage you and your spouse to think on these five love languages and discover which language is your own. Chapman has developed an entire ministry around the concept of love languages. You can learn about them here.
Valentine’s Day is still not the end-all of days in my mind, but I am learning how to express my love to my husband in such a way that it is fully received because I know what truly expresses love to him. In turn, my husband is learning that if he wants to make me feel loved, he can offer me service and I will swoon at his feet. It is a win-win on Valentine’s Day and the other 364 days of the year!
Debbie Fischer was born in Guam to a military family who moved around the country about every two years. We landed in California where I attended high school and Whittier College. After college graduation I moved to northern California and began a teaching career. That is where I met my husband. We moved to Dallas for him to attend seminary and finally settled in Idaho for 29 years. I was a stay-at-home mom with two children and cared for my mother for most of those years. Mississippi is now our home and we both work at American Family Association.
