The grace of Jesus is a breath of fresh air for me, but it has certainly not always been that way. In college, I felt like such a failure when I woke up late and didn’t read my Bible. I went through the whole day waiting for something bad to happen to me as punishment because if God punished me badly enough I would wake up on time from then on. Even then I knew that was not the way God operates, but it is how I felt. In addition to that fear I would go to school or work and hold myself to an unattainable standard. I had to be nice all the time and always find opportunities to share the gospel.
In theory, these are all great aspirations: read your Bible, be nice, and be willing to share the gospel. None are sinful things, but it is sinful to think that what I could do or say would save me.
Admittedly, I was a self-righteous goody-two-shoes. I looked for my good deeds to get me into Heaven. This led to me being very self-absorbed (something I still struggle with). I know I’m not alone. Anytime you place stock in how good you are, you begin feeling like a moral authority.
I walked around campus and home like I knew God better than anyone. I felt that we were so close He had designated me chief fruit inspector.
I also thought sanctification meant God would stay mad at me until I was perfect.
All this is to bring one truth that I pray encourages you. Maybe you’re in the same boat I was in a short year ago. Or maybe you aren’t but you just need another reminder that Jesus loves you and sees you for all He made you to be and not just for the mistakes you made yesterday—or a minute ago.
Don’t focus so much on yourself!
Self-condemnation can lead to paralyzing the spirit, which will lead to ineffectiveness for the gospel.
Paul speaks the truth I need to hear daily in Romans 8:1-2. He writes, “There is therefore now no condemnation to them that are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus made me free from the law of sin and of death.”
That brings me to the inspiration for this article – a song titled Jekyll and Hyde by Jimmy Needham.
The story of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde goes something like this: Dr. Jekyll is a nice guy who drinks a potion and takes on the form of Mr. Hyde, a morally free creature. Basically, Dr. Jekyll looks like another person, but he gets to be a criminal without getting caught. However, he eventually becomes Mr. Hyde as he is no longer able to turn back into Dr. Jekyll. Obviously, there is a lot more to the story, but that’s the gist of it.
For me, the moral of the story is that no matter how great of a person you are, or how great you think someone else is, we are all fallen.
Just because I refused to act badly didn’t mean that I was more holy in the eyes of God.
Like the song says,
Every last one of us
Are pretty much the same.
We got ol' Adam's blood
Running through our veins
It’s okay to not be perfect. It does not surprise Jesus when you make the same mistake for the millionth time today. Rather than focusing on the failure of our sin, focus on the fact that our sin reveals our need for Christ. I believe the more we recognize our sin, the more we realize how much Jesus loves us, and the more motivation we will have to be like Him. But instead, we fallen creatures would prefer to beat ourselves up and promise to do better next time—something that never brings growth—rather than taking our failures to the cross in repentance.
Jesus took the beating for your sin because it was too severe for you. Sure, there are consequences to our actions, but I guarantee you, Jesus’s forgiving hand is reaching out to you from the victor’s side of the cross. Beyond that, behind that outstretched hand is His beautiful face with a huge smile on it. Picture that and let it truly sink in.
Personally, my struggle at this moment is finding out what a loving Father is, what that means, and how to live in the light of it. But I’m learning. In the meantime, I have officially resigned my position as chief fruit inspector. God wasn’t disappointed when I gave my two-week notice.
He did, however, put me in another position: servant. I already like this job better.
Thanks be to God I no longer believe I have to be a robot in order to receive the love of Christ.
So, hi, my name is Maize Pyburn and I am a recovering legalist. And the collective voice says, “Hello Maize.”
