“Why am I a Christian?” Those words flashed across my mind at the end of our church’s annual men's retreat. They startled me and I could not push them away. The question captivated my thoughts and left me in wonder trying to justify an answer that was good enough to tell myself. “Well, why am I?” I pondered for quite some time until I was finally able to conjure up an answer.
“That’s it, that is the only reason why?” I thought. My answer hurt and left me stunned. All my life I had pursued something for my own selfish ambitions. But my answer challenged me, corrected my motives, and ultimately changed my life.
The answer I had was simple: I just wanted to be a Christian to enjoy the benefits of the Christian life such as Heaven and all the other “bonuses.” My perception was entirely wrong but I had never been challenged to pursue the next stage in my faith. I wanted more but did not know how to get there. Rather than being challenged by someone else, I challenged myself to step outside the box of the comfortable life of the “lukewarm Christian.”
The Apostle Paul became my primary model during this time in my life. I admired his passion for God in statements such as “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain” (Philippians 1:21). That’s what I desired—a passion for God. I wanted to grow and leave behind the selfish ambitions I had but did not know where to start. So I did what was practical and looked online to see what others had to say.
Page after page, article after article, hour after hour, day after day I relentlessly pursued this desire to develop a passion for God. I spent great amounts of time reading only to turn my computer off discouraged. “That’s not what I’m looking for, that will not help me” I often came away saying. I was expecting some complicated answer. I did not understand how simple my solution was until I realized the mere fact of my searching for an answer showed God was already working in me and developing a passion. I found the best answer to my situation was prayer. I thought it was too simple to work, but I was profoundly wrong.
At the time, I viewed prayer as a fallback. I always heard people talk about prayer and assumed that was all they did to fix a situation. Because of my misconception of prayer, my prayer life was weak. I practically had a mental script I would pray for everything just to check it off the daily list of chores. I reasoned that before I could draw any closer to God, I would need to develop a prayer life that was closer and more devoted to God.
To keep myself from initially rushing through prayer, I set a timer and I had to pray for at least the time set. That might seem like a mechanical, arbitrary practice, but it worked very well and it was temporary. Setting the timer challenged me to step outside my fast-paced, scripted prayers and engage God in a more personal prayer because I knew I had a minimum of how long to pray.
During that time of transitioning from scripted prayer to personal prayer, I also learned the importance of my mind and thoughts in my life. Literally, as some have said, you are what you think. Thoughts reflect the nature of our hearts, which are shown in our actions.
I once read an article comparing our hearts to stone pillars in caves. It said, “A similar process is taking place inside our hearts. Each thought is a little drop that begins to form a pillar. Each pillar has the quality of those thoughts that have been dripping, dripping, dripping into our hearts. We build pillars of character that show the world exactly what we are like.” That’s when I realized I needed to have a change in my thoughts along with my prayer.
This was perhaps the hardest change for me because I realized I needed to not just refrain from thinking about impure things, but I needed to meditate on God’s principles. As Paul put it, “Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things” (Philippians 4:8).
Next, while still working on the other two criteria, I needed to push away any barriers between myself and God and seek things that would bring me closer to Him.
Anything that comes between God and us will keep us from drawing closer to Him. Because God wants us to freely come to Him, He will not compete with idols in our life. Jesus said in Matthew 6:24, “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other.”
When my prayer life was strengthened, my thoughts were becoming pure and my barriers were being removed. I grew more in my spiritual life than I ever had. Instead of being lukewarm and just accepting my beliefs, I craved studying Scripture and sharing it with others. This was not a day-and-night change, but one that is taking time and ultimately is accomplishing far more than I expected.
My answer to “Why am I a Christian” has changed significantly. I am no longer a Christian to merely serve myself, but because I passionately love God and want to serve Him. My question to you is the same one I once asked myself: “Why are you a Christian?”
